Prompt Set Post

coffin-prompts:

1. “We have to make a trip to the liquor store!”
   “Stop being so happy about your alcoholism.”
2. “Why do you always think I’ll share something with you?”
   “Because you love me, and I’d steal the whole thing if you wouldn’t.”
3. “I’ve called the dibs to the spare bedroom!”
   “You are not allowed to even sleep over!”
4. “A what now?”
   “You heard me. Don’t make me repeat my stupidity again.”
5. “It’s just one of those things, isn’t it?” She dragged another mouthful of smoke. “Where you truly cannot trust anybody.”
6. He managed to chuckle between the gasps of breaths, “What an ironic death will this be.”
7. I’m commicted to murder.
8. Turns out it’s hard to breathe through a broken nose…
9. The blue-eyed motherfucker had a fucking pistol hidden in his crotch! How the fuck was I supposed to know!
10. She pulled the chair from under the table with her legs, pulled down her beanie and sat down on the chair.
11. He’s adorable, I’m not complaining about that.
12. I’m being shared around like a kid whose parents broke up!
13. Hi, welcome to bitch ass rich ass, today’s episode is about self-centered fool that is you.  
14. All legends have some truths in them. Expect this one.
15. The swords raised in the air, the screams and hollering of the pirates as they jumped to the Spaniards ship.
16. I see you have wasted your change of freedom…
17. The last cries filled the battle field as the captain repeated the prophecy of death.
18. “You don’t know how to drive stick, that’s the problem!”
    “Why is that a problem?”
    “Because you are our fucking get-away driver!”
19. These lands have caused wars before. The mines are rich with jewels and gold, something everyone graved.
20. It doesn’t hurt to have king owe you a favor.
21. They laid them to rest in the Restless Sea, their weapons and their magic.
22. The horses won’t ride after night fall, you have to wait until the Morning.
23. Those who crossed the seas, they’ll never return home.
24. “You know what, life is good.”
    “Really? Your nose is broken, you’re eating cold, five day old noodles and wearing your ex-wife’s shirt. I think your life is miserable.”
25. They sometimes seemed to have the self-awareness to realize their stupidity
26. Respect my ridiculously expensive shoes.
27. I think you are lying. And frankly, I think it’s stupid that you are not letting anybody help you.
28. “What – what just happened?”
    “The sarcasm over powered me.”
29. Stop your tiny Bisexual gasps and help me.
30. You know that he’s ready to drop on one knee the second you show him any attention.’
31. Nuh, nuh, they are my designated driver, no drinking!
32. You need to go before they arrest you.
33. What happened to their eyes?
34. This is a very stressful adult version of peekaboo!
35. Stop pretending to care about them!
36. The shadows will consume this place.
37. I just need some standards with myself.
38. You aren’t as silent of a crier as you think.
39. Why didn’t you move? Did you think I somehow magically forgot where you live?
40. We don’t have the goddamn override code?!
41. Only I can wear two top hats around here!
42. I was expecting magic, you traitor of a clown!
43. Have I yet fooled you that I’m cool and normal!?
44. You can’t keep doing this! You try to protect our friends, I get it. But you are not doing a good job!
45. Stop it! Stop randomly licking my cheek!
46. My mother wouldn’t like you. But I’m not sure she likes any of my friends I have now.
47. Can you lie to my mum that I’m going to school?
48. If I’d hit that, none of you would be safe from my tears.
49. Sparring him would be like trying to spar a brick wall.
50. I have succeeded purely out of spite. Nothing else than that.
51. Of fuck off! You did not just red shell me!
52. You exhaust me. You drain me off all happiness.
53. And now we are going to go back practicing giving a damn.
54. Life is cruel and cold, but that doesn’t mean we have to be, remember that.
55. The thought was there, delivery was just little half-hearted.
56. You know what they say, nothing sobers you as fast as your undead mother trying to tear you apart.
57. He’s a desperate man in need of money, what ever shall he do?
58. You can’t get mad, this is my job, you know this.
59. My big fucking legs are gonna whoop your ass.
60. Those are some fancy color names
61. Nobody can tell your story better than you do.
62. I fell in love with somebody already gone.
63. I hate tried sympathetic. Now is the time to break moral compasses.
64. Let’s not get my love for my sister twisted with remorse.
65. Does panic attack and meltdown sound good enough for a second date idea?
66. You know what? I realize I can’t fake it until I make it. So I will procrastinate until I make it.
67. I pray for forgiveness for my selfishness.
68. It’s not like we have much better to do with our lives…
69. “What’s wrong?”
    “I ate a kiwi.”
    “Did you forget you were allergic or was ir some kind of defeat your weaknesses moments?”
70. This is the stage of murdering called ‘denial’.
71. Why must you dumb your murder weapons in my room?
72. Their father’s death was scheduled appointment. Set by himself, with his own hand.
73. She bit down a laugh as she watched the two oldest beings in the world trying to go unnoticed as they smacked each other under the table.
74. I mean a restaurant is a very loose team for this place.
75. We have been friends over five years and you have called me exactly two times.
76. Do not call your child a raisin!
77. “You know what I realized the other day?”
    “That I’m awesome?”
78. “I can only get better.”
    “No, actually, it can get about six times worse than this.”
79. Why are you calling me that it’s on fire! Shouldn’t 991 be more helpful?!
80. Is your nickname ‘Property Damage’ or something?
81. “Are you still mad at me?”
    “Do you think I’d be knocking at your door if I was?”
82. …yeah. Politesness was never really your specialty.
83. Chairs are surpringly more versatile than just for sitting
84. It’s very hard to talk about something that you don’t actually remember.
85. So this is somehow a character flaw.
86. This bitch is stupid and now they’re probably gonna die.
87. Yea and if you don’t go to the hospital, you might get an infection.
88. “How close are you to your sister?”
    “My sister got a baby and managed to name it before I even knew.”
89. You know pretending to be a police officer is illegal, right? Yeah, you might get fined by it.
90. Alright, go drink some water and go sleep it off. I don’t want to come there tomorrow and have you dead in the living room.
91. “Are you gonna make me carry it?”
    “Well wouldn’t want your ankles to break in those heels.”
    “Oh hush, pretty boy.”
92. “Either you just cried or you haven’t slept yet.”
    “Or both.”
93. I see you haven’t lost the ability to unnecessarily gloat!
94. I still remember when I was in the back of the cop cars for different reasons…
95. Have you never heard of breaks before? You know, the things that prevent us from crashing on every corner!
96. I’m very expensive. There’s no way you can afford me or my dog.
97. You hated that he was still trying to be positive. 
98. Don’t give sympathy to someone who is nowhere near deserving it.
99. I’m commicted to murder.
100. Turns out it’s hard to breathe through a broken nose…
101. Don’t mind me, I was born salty and full of pettiness.
102. She was sent to heaven because they were afraid she’d take over hell. 
103. “Shouldn’t we knock?”
     “That’d defeat the point of trying to surprise them!”
104. So where you actually aiming at me or was I just an another unfortunate casualty?
105. At least you are consistent with your hook ups. Should I wake them up for their walk of shame?
106. Maybe leave a button or two open for eye candy.
107. This is definitely not suited for my social anxiety, okay?
108. You just roundhouse kicked a federal officer!
109. I always thought you were someone who wouldn’t run from a fight.
110. At the end of the day, I am an anarchist. 
111. They seized our flash drives and guns. That’s like all Mark’s personal properties!
112. Your save houses always end up not being so safe…
113. I’m wanted for espionage, that and only that. So let’s not make that murder too.
114. He has a gun and he’s known for his happy trigger finger.
115. Don’t mistake me understanding why you did it as forgiving you. 
116. If you don’t get that camera out of my face, I’ll make sure to personally take good footage of your insides. 
117. Even the best tales end (talk about dramatic last prompt)